Making a Change

“You are prehypertension and if you continue to gain weight or an unhealthy lifestyle you are at the risk of diabetes.” June 14, 2012 was my first time ever going to a doctor to see about my weight. Of course I’ve always known I was overweight..well that’s sugarcoating it a bit..more like obese.  But I’ve never really known from a professional’s perspective where my health was, so after years of living in the unknown I decided to go get checked out.

[How this all started..The Past] As far as I can remember I’ve always been a big girl, usually the one bigger than the majority of my friends. I have a very big family, single mother household, so we were just getting by and what could be afforded was what we ate, healthy or not. The food selection growing up was poor and no one in my house cared about being healthy. Life moved on and the noodles and hot dogs came also, with lots of pounds. My first time I tried to lose weight I was in the 8^th grade, weighing in at 160lbs and that following summer I began eating less, healthier, and started working out. I purchased “The Diet for Teenage Girls Only,” which I still use today, which I lost weight with but eventually gained it all back and plus some. Through high school I would always start up working out by using the book I bought, fitness magazines I got in the mail, buying workout tapes, etc. I would always lose some but eventually get tired of it and quit. I figured if I love myself then why waste my time? Losing weight became a pattern when I felt insecure, then when it got tough after a few weeks, becoming unmotivated, no support, I dropped it. 

My senior year in high school is when things switched up some. I was at peak weight, 188lbs, that December I signed up for a gym membership and worked with a trainer and a diet plan. It really was something different and I just knew this was the last time I was going to deal with being obese..not quite. I was working so the majority of my checks went to healthy food. I began doing slim fast, drinking it for breakfast, then lunch at school with veggies and fruit. Boy was that the hardest damn thing of my life, sitting there trying to eat raw food while everyone else ate cheesy fries, pizza, and wings but I didn’t give up. I also began using some tools from weight watchers to help me portion food and not over eat, this was helpful but I got tired of looking up food. Through this whole process I lost 14lbs. Many people noticed but because we are the worst critics of ourselves, I didn’t. Once senior year ended I gave up again and promised myself I would get back started in college. I did start back up, worked with another trainer, but it just didn’t last. I eventually gave up because it seemed like getting pass 174lbs was impossible. I was stuck there for the longest and that’s where I am now. I’ve tried every excuse as to why this number won’t change..everyone isn’t meant to be small, my metabolism is slow, my body type is preventing me to lose more weight, I can’t help it..blah blah blah. Now I know some things we can’t help with our bodies but there isn’t an excuse why we can’t be healthy.

[The Present] So now where am I now? Like I mentioned earlier I did at least keep the 14lbs I lost off, which I am proud of and gives me hope to know that I can continue but it isn’t enough.  I’m currently 174lbs at 5’3, and a BMI of 31.8..yikes!, which is obese for my height and high blood pressure and such already runs in my family, I do not want to die because of lack of a healthy lifestyle. My doctor visit really opened my eyes to what I need to be doing. Considering the fact that I’m obese and for years have been trying to lose weight but always get stuck my doctor also put me on a prescription called Phentermine. At first I thought this lady was trying to put me on that crap where it does all the work but she explained it to me and I went home and did my research, before taking it, just to make sure it was legit. This drug is basically for obese people that may have issues losing weight. It will boost the energy in the body and suppress the appetite to stop the overeating and cravings that obese people usually struggle with even when they are eating correctly and exercising. It’s only used for a short time and as of now I’m on it for a month and it must be used with healthy eating and exercising because it’s not for temporary weight loss. From all my research it really does work and assisted people in real life changes for living a healthy lifestyle and they kept all the weight off after stopping the medication. Depending on how heavy the weight is some people lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. I’m ok with that BUT I want to be able to really learn to make eating right and exercising a part of my everyday life. I just started taking this medication and haven’t had any crazy side effects so as of now that’s something added to my prayer list while taking it.

The biggest thing I’m learning is patience. I’m the type that starts off really hard, while most girls are doing cardio, I’m lifting weights and getting headaches. I’ve realized that I’ve got to start from scratch and let this really be life changing not temporary.  I’m going to start off slow, actually learn, and change. I’m learning that this does not have to be a stressful, starving, or a discouraging thing. It really can be fun, the eating and exercising. If the journey feels like a burden then why wouldn’t it get dropped? Quick results might sound nice but burnout comes before that even happens , and guess what? You have already quit by then so it’s important to make sure this is a fun experience. We will always have our lazy and low days but as a whole this can be a new addition and good habit for a long life. I’ve dropped the running and hard workouts and I’m now doing brisk walking and Richard Simmons tapes, which will have you laughing the whole time but you’re still working out! As far as eating, I’ve always loved the healthy foods more so that part is easy but I’m remembering that it’s still ok to eat the junk just correct portions.  Also I keep a food journal to see what my eating looks like because I know I am a mindless eater but a food journal trains to be aware of what’s going into the body. This so far is what works for me. I’m no longer messing with those diets..that’s from the devil lol.

 I’m learning to love me. I don’t just flat out hate myself but like most girls I have those handful of things I don’t like about myself. I’m focusing on God to help me get through those problems during this journey. I’m also speaking up about what I’m doing and where I’m trying to go with this. I’ve never had support and when I thought about it, I’ve never asked. So I asked my mom to be a part of my support system and she is down to roll *tear.* I’m excited this time about this journey and this time for sure I will not give up. The pattern has been broken.

[The Future..where do I see myself?] My goal is to lose about 30-35lbs. I think 140lbs or 145lbs would be realistic and healthy for my weight and height. I do not want to be a skinny minny. I do love having the fullness and curves of woman. If I lose that I will be highly upset. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, like the way my clothes fit, and most of all be healthy. I want to be able to not hold back on things I enjoy just because of my size. My goal is to take care of, love, and appreciate this temple God has blessed me with; it’s the least I could do to show my thanksgiving to Him.